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Review: Action Jackson (1988)

1/29/2013

2 Comments

 
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No gun?! No problem.
Action Jackson is not really a bad movie.  The acting is fine, the effects are actually pretty good and the story is... not bad, just a bit cliche.  If you have ever seen a movie, and I'm guessing most of you have, then you know this story.  A policeman's unorthodox style is frowned upon by his department.  But when a bad guy appears in town and the police don't know what is going on, Mr. Unorthodox has to take him down without any official support.  BAM, we've got a screenplay, let's get on set and start shooting.  So what puts it in Wasted Cinema territory?  The story-holes.  These are not your typical, how did they get those bags down the elevator or why can Biff travel to the future but Marty can't, plot holes.  These are the un-explained decisions, lines and actions within a scene that can't possibly have happened.  If you like those as much as we do then Action Jackson will tickle your fancy in all the right spots. 

In this movie, Carl Weathers plays policeman Jericho "Action" Jackson and he has been stripped of his gun as a punishment for previously nearly ripping the arm off a sexual predator during his arrest.  The bad guy is Craig T. Nelson, the sexual predator's father, who wants to take total control of the auto manufacturing business.  Black guys and the auto industry in Detroit!  What cliche?!  

So what exactly is so unbelievable about the story's actions you wonder?  How about leaping over a car??  Well never fear, the writers have this one covered.  Jackson did track in high school.  So, you know, that plus his years of police paperwork have prepared him for this kind of stuff.  And my favorite part about this is.  Wait.  Hold on, not my favorite part, but an additional funny part is that Jackson taunts the car driver into trying to kill him with his car instead of his gun because the car is manlier.  What?!  What the heck is the difference between the gun machine and the car machine?  And who is the police chief that sent Jackson out with no gun and no partner?  He is being punished for [nearly] ripping a guy's arm off... like with his hands... not for shooting anybody.  Hello, aren't you kind of forcing him to continue that kind of behavior?  Argh. Where was I?  Oh yeah, so not only does this dumb driver fall for the "you're not so manly" trick, but Action Jackson himself falls for this later!  Seriously who wrote this, you have to make the hero learn from his mistakes not get dumber as the movie goes on, holy proper sequencing Batman.  

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Should I use this wimpy gun?
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Or this bad-ass taxi?
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Careful! Former track stars can do this
Not only does flying over cars happen (by the way, AJ does a flip and sticks the landing.  Obviously.) but so does some other mysteriously magical physics.  Allow me to paint you this picture.  Later in the movie, Coach and his wife are standing together when she gets shot at point blank range.  And the bullet ends up going right through her into a very, very small black hole.  Apparently.  Because she clearly has an exit wound and the bullet does no more damage on the other side.  Is that normal?  Is the time-warp storyline of this movie ever resolved?  Sadly, no.  
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Science: "Bullets travel through objects"
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Screenwriter: "Screw you science!"
So far we've got unbelievable physics and some suspicious character decisions.  But it gets better.  As the climax gets under way, Action Jackson gets captured and needs some rescuing from his newly-discovered side kick.  The entire scene, literally, LITERALLY the entire scene is all one-liners, and they don't even make any sense!  I can't explain this any better than the scene itself, so thank you writers, here is your recreated work.
Bad Guy 1: Get the gasoline, we're gonna have us a little barbecue. (to Jackson) Tell me where it hurts.
Side-kick: Hello.  I'm Mr. Ed.  You called about a paint job?
(punching and fighting)
Action Jackson: (with flamethrower) Chill out.
Bad Guy 2: Shit...
Action Jackson: You looking for me?   Barbecue, huh?  How do you like your ribs?
See?  Literally, every line.  Even "Hello" and "I'm Mr. Ed" are delivered like they have symbolic meaning.  What meaning could that have?  Why would you say "tell me where it hurts" when you are holding a flame thrower?  Even worse, why would you say "chill out?!"  What sense could that possibly make? 
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Action Jackson's chance at a franchise just got burned
Believe it or not, I actually saved the best for last.  Some of my questions about this film may have been answered.  It all depends on how much of the story is being explained by Jackson's hotel managing ex-boxer friend.  His accent is kind of hard to pin down.  It's like a cross between a lisp and a southern, chain smoking blues singer with head trauma.  See this movie. It's great fun, and then you can be the judge.
2 Comments

Review: Santa's Slay

12/25/2012

3 Comments

 
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We want to give a big thank you to everyone that made it out to our last screening for Santa's Slay!  For those of you that were there, we hope you liked it, and for everyone else we hope you like our review!

If you are looking for a great/awful Christmas movie, then believe or not, you've got options. So what makes Santa's Slay worth checking out?  First off, it's only about 70 minutes long so you're not committing to much, and it's packed with wholesome holiday fun.  While some of the other Santa slashers get a bit horror-y and dark, this movie stays pretty lighthearted with all the Christmastime puns you can imagine (and then some) and plenty of peppy Christmas music.  Seriously, enough with the Christmas music.  But don't worry!  It is still genuinely a bad movie, and not just a tongue-in-cheek-winking-at-the-audience kind of bad movie.  It's bad in more of a there-is-a-former-professional-wrestler-in-the-lead-role-and-who-in-god's-name-is-proofreading-this-story kind of way.  Plus there are a lot of deaths.  And if none of that grabs you, how about some fantastic cameos?


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Announcing Our Next Screening: Jack Frost

12/20/2012

1 Comment

 
We hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas (or at least a Tuesday where you hopefully don't have to work) and a lovely new year!  Info about our next screening is live now and we are looking forward to it.

How could we possibly better celebrate the winter season of skiing and peppermint schnapps than by showing Jack Frost, the 1997 one with a killer snowman, not the Michael Keaton one with a creepy snowman dad.  Common mistake.  If you like nonsense, punny violent snowmen, or barely passable animation then you are sure to like this one.  Hope to see you next year!
1 Comment

Ghosts of Horrible Christmas Movies Past

12/10/2012

1 Comment

 
Even if you really, really love bad movies and alarm/confuse your friends by continuing to seek them out, you might have missed some of these Christmas miracle movies.  And of course, by miracles, we don't necessarily mean something to be celebrated -- more like something that could not ever, no way, no how, possibly have gotten made but somehow they did. 

Enjoy:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mollykateri/are-these-christmas-horror-movies-real-or-fake-421u
1 Comment

If You Think That's Dumb, Try This

12/10/2012

3 Comments

 
We love celebrating ridiculous, wastes of movies.  But why should movies have all the fun?  Try this excellently silly window to the worthless web.  Let us know some of your favorites.  So far, mine is the eelslap.  Amazing!

http://www.theuselessweb.com/
3 Comments

Name that Santa checklist

12/3/2012

1 Comment

 
Our next event is the night of Santa Con and as you may or may not know, there are a LOT of Santas out that day.  To help prepare you for the mayhem you are sure to witness, we put together this checklist of all the different flavors of Santa you might encounter (think of it like a Santa-bingo card).  See if you can recognize each of the movies pictured below and look for a link to the answers at the end.  And before you start shouting at me that "Hey! Mean Girls is an excellent movie and I am looking forward to Lindsay Lohan's soon-to-be-resurgent career with great interest," don't worry, I know!  Not ALL of these movies are awful, just most of them.  Good luck matching up the pictures with their movie titles and keep your eyes peeled for all these Santa varieties on Dec 15th.

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Review of Drive Angry

11/26/2012

4 Comments

 
Thanks to everybody that made it to our screening of Drive Angry, featuring none other than Wasted Cinema's acting idol, Nic Cage.  In case you missed it, it was a great night where we raised a bunch of money for Occupy Sandy relief efforts -- in part by raffling off this signed, topless photo.
Nic Cage Raffle Picture
Drive Angry is the tale of Milton (Nic Cage) following the death of his daughter at the hands of cult leader Jonah King.  After Milton finds out about his daughter's death he is extremely, believe it or not, ANGRY, so he breaks out of Hell to get his revenge.  Could he maybe have just brought his daughter out of Hell with him and then save everybody some trouble and be happy?  After all, she was worshipping Satan so we can probably assume she wound up in Hell too.  In any case, the writer's wanted to show us a different story.

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4 Comments

Action Hero Cage One-Liners

11/16/2012

0 Comments

 
We are excited for our screening of Drive Angry tonight where we can fully enjoy the action-hero version of Nic Cage.  And he wouldn't be worthy of entry into the Expendables 3 cast without a few well placed one-liners.  Take a look at some of the best one-liners in action movie history to get ready.  Although this list is full of Expendables co-stars Ahnold and Stallone, I'm sure Nic will give them a run for their money tonight.  Let us know some of your favorites!
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Drive Angry and Hurricane Helper

11/5/2012

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Help some people out like only Nic Cage can at our next screening.

At our 11/16 Drive Angry event, all of the raffle sales as well as Wasted Cinema's portion of food and liquor sales will go towards hurricane relief for those who have been affected by Sandy.

We'll also be collecting donations in exchange for raffle tickets, so please bring anything you can. A list of what's still needed can be found here: http://interoccupy.net/occupysandy/

Come watch an amazingly terrible Nic Cage movie while helping out some folks who could really use it, Friday, November 16th at Legends. See you then!
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BATMAN this Friday! Movie, drinks, and trivia!

10/10/2012

0 Comments

 
Comic Con will be hitting NYC in just two short days, and we are ready! In fact, we've been added to the official Comic Con website! We're honored!

Our upcoming event, 1966's Batman starring Adam West, is bound to be our biggest screening yet. 

We will have all the Wasted Cinema staples you have come to expect, including our best drink specials and raffle prizes to date. Plus, for the first time ever, our pre-show screens will be showing Batman trivia! Dozens of questions full of bizarre facts, such as:

What actor nearly played Two-Face in the 1960’s Batman television show?
A. Jack Nicholson
B. Ricardo Montalban
C. Dick Van Dyke
D. Clint Eastwood


Find out the answer to that and more by coming early, grabbing some food, and getting your drink on. Doors are at 7:00pm, with the movie at 9:00. Only at Legends in NYC (6 W. 33rd St, near 5th Ave).

And a big thank you to DNAinfo.com for doing a great article previewing the event!

See you all on Friday. Same Bat time, same Bat place.
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Wasted Cinema ™ 2012-2013