It's the weekend for turkey, and we're serving up a juicy tidbit: our review of the most famous turkey slasher movie, Thankskilling. The movie's premise is simple. A group of high school kids goes home for Thanksgiving break where they are attacked by a 500 year old cursed, killer turkey. This movie goes from bad to worse to almost unbearable. But hang in there, because if you give it a second chance and a little bit of liquor, it will all get better. Just like your family political conversations.
Thankskilling starts out with a group of kids on Thanksgiving break. Well, technically it starts out with a topless pilgrim being murdered by a turkey. But that opening scene is so useless to the film the only thing we can learn from it is the pilgrim was played by Wanda Lust.
Thankskilling starts out with a group of kids on Thanksgiving break. Well, technically it starts out with a topless pilgrim being murdered by a turkey. But that opening scene is so useless to the film the only thing we can learn from it is the pilgrim was played by Wanda Lust.
Guess which girl is the slutty character? And that "fact" is hardly crucial to the story. After that, the movie throws the biggest and baddest cliches it can muster at you and clashes them all with each other and then just lets it sit there. Jock, nerd, slutty girl, fat guy, BAM, right in your face. Sure there is not one single other student at their school and it's obviously November -- months after the school year started -- but some of these people haven't met yet. Oh yeah, but they are all friends, what are you gonna do about it?
Then that's it. There is no other character development, and it doesn't even stick with the cliches! It jumps from one attitude to the next every other line.
Jock: Don't worry girls, I'll protect you.
Jock: Hey Nerd, that wasn't cool of you to scare us with that killer turkey story.
And you, dear watcher, think to yourself, "Surely I know what this movie is about. I'm experienced enough in awful movies to recognize the bad acting, low-budget camera work and miserable script." It's a cheap attempt at a horror movie that isn't well done, and isn't quite bad enough to be funny, and good grief, will not let up with the puns. This is one seriously "fowl-mouthed bird!" (The movie was probably made just to be able to use that tagline) But wait my handsome reader, because something strange is going on; the movie is both better and worse than you think, at the same time!
Imagine walking into a blind date and finding some tramp in a Lawng-ayeland accent and what could only generously be called a tank top. But then spotting Spongebob and the phrase "Winter is Coming" amongst his/her many tatoos and realizing this just might be worth your time after all. That's what Thankskilling gives you. And it is not an easy path to walk, so we don't recommend it for you ambitious young bad-filmmakers.
How can it be both better and worse? This is a movie has the kind of delightful entertainment like when
- the same actor plays a high school kid and a 75 year old man (worse).
- the turkey wears one of his murdered victims as a face and nobody recognizes him as a turkey OR that there is blood all over the kitchen and a faceless dead body hidden somewhere out in the yard (worse).
- the death of one of the main characters is celebrated with a song. "Billy, Billy, Billy, you were my, my best friend!" It's actually pretty catchy (worse).
- one man who lost his dog ironically consoles the kids that at least they haven't lost someone so close to them like a parent or best friend... Billy, nooo!!! (better)
- the surviving kids celebrate their victory over evil turkey with two of them hooking up while one awkwardly tries to avoid them by exploring the kitchen as AHHHH he is murdered by the return of the turkey (worse... but so good).
- then when Jock gets scared he reminds us that evil turkeys don't come back from the dead, that only happens
in movies (better).
Jock: Don't worry girls, I'll protect you.
Jock: Hey Nerd, that wasn't cool of you to scare us with that killer turkey story.
And you, dear watcher, think to yourself, "Surely I know what this movie is about. I'm experienced enough in awful movies to recognize the bad acting, low-budget camera work and miserable script." It's a cheap attempt at a horror movie that isn't well done, and isn't quite bad enough to be funny, and good grief, will not let up with the puns. This is one seriously "fowl-mouthed bird!" (The movie was probably made just to be able to use that tagline) But wait my handsome reader, because something strange is going on; the movie is both better and worse than you think, at the same time!
Imagine walking into a blind date and finding some tramp in a Lawng-ayeland accent and what could only generously be called a tank top. But then spotting Spongebob and the phrase "Winter is Coming" amongst his/her many tatoos and realizing this just might be worth your time after all. That's what Thankskilling gives you. And it is not an easy path to walk, so we don't recommend it for you ambitious young bad-filmmakers.
How can it be both better and worse? This is a movie has the kind of delightful entertainment like when
- the same actor plays a high school kid and a 75 year old man (worse).
- the turkey wears one of his murdered victims as a face and nobody recognizes him as a turkey OR that there is blood all over the kitchen and a faceless dead body hidden somewhere out in the yard (worse).
- the death of one of the main characters is celebrated with a song. "Billy, Billy, Billy, you were my, my best friend!" It's actually pretty catchy (worse).
- one man who lost his dog ironically consoles the kids that at least they haven't lost someone so close to them like a parent or best friend... Billy, nooo!!! (better)
- the surviving kids celebrate their victory over evil turkey with two of them hooking up while one awkwardly tries to avoid them by exploring the kitchen as AHHHH he is murdered by the return of the turkey (worse... but so good).
- then when Jock gets scared he reminds us that evil turkeys don't come back from the dead, that only happens
in movies (better).
Killer turkey: master of disguise
To be clear, this is a really terrible film. It's poorly written and acted, and while it does have a plot, it's one that doesn't make much sense. But if you aren't smiling by the time the nuclear waste gets dumped and fails to have any serious effect, then you don't know what the holidays are really all about. Happy thankgiving and happy bad movie watching!
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